Post by Kamish on Feb 2, 2008 5:52:38 GMT -5
Lying in my bed,
I hear the clock tick,
And think of you.
Caught up in circles.
Confusion is nothing new.
You say, “Go slow.”
I fall behind.
The second hand unwinds.
I hear the clock tick,
And think of you.
Caught up in circles.
Confusion is nothing new.
You say, “Go slow.”
I fall behind.
The second hand unwinds.
The Sun rose over Sanctuary, filtering through bedroom windows and casting shadows through trees. It created a peace unlike any other Mishka had ever known, even growing up on a farm. She laid in bed some mornings and watched it, watched the dust particles swirl in complicated patterns that spoke of the universe, of the world beyond her vision and the one outside of her window.
They're free creatures, dust particles. They roam where ever they want, settle where ever they please, and they swirl in such chaotic patterns... Mishka wanted to be free and chaotic like that. She wanted to be outside, not locked up behind walls that she was told were up for her own good. It wasn't fair that just because she was gifted, she had to be put in a cage.
But these were all thoughts that had been presented at Sanctuary before, and thinking about it did nothing to change it.
On the same coin, restricting herself from having these thoughts did nothing to release them, and took away a bit more of her savored freedom. So she thought, in the empty hours before the rest of the Pack woke, when she could almost believe that the world was gray.
Almost.
When she could dream and not worry about what sort of news Bastet was going to bring to their attention; what problems they would have with the Ferals or the people outside today.
In a way, the Sanctuary Pack were the gray... the middle point between the rest of the humans that hated them and the Ferals that hated them as well. The worst part, she thought, was the fact that no one would know this.
She thought about their pasts, about what had brought them here. Her sister had died to bring her to Sanctuary, and while that wasn't exactly in a literal sense, it was still true. Odysseus had connections with the Mafia in his life before being caught, and Mishka could only imagine what sort of excitement and freedom he used to have.
She thought about differences and similarities between her Packmates, and there always seemed to be one that confused her. The only thing she could come up as a similarity between Kami, one of her closest friends in the Pack (not to mention her complete and utter opposite) and Beowulf, her (and she hated to use the term) mate, were their shadowed pasts.
As close as she was to both of them, she still didn't know who they were before they were brought to Sanctuary. It made her feel vulnerable and open. It made her want to hide, because in a way, Beowulf and Kami were being wise with with-holding information. Because it gave everyone else something with which to hurt them.
While she didn't believe her Pack would ever hurt her, she still felt stupid for giving her story as freely as she had.
Silly notion, really.
She heard stirring in the rest of the house; the padding of feet by the door (both human and animal), the sounds of voices in the other rooms around.
It wouldn't be long before someone realized they were missi-- there was a sound like something hitting the door, and Mishka cast it an amused glance. She hoped they didn't send--
She heard amused chatter, and groaned softly. They'd sent the Misses Sugarcube. A very human voice floated through the wood.
"It's time for all good little wolves to be awake!"
Mishka had the urge to say something in return, but decided against it. Beside her, Beowulf stirred, before rolling over and burying his face in the pillow.
"Did they have to send the Sugarcubes?"
"Of course." Mishka said, amused.
There was a muffled sound from Beowulf as the 'Cubes continued their assult against the door, and Mishka, who generally woke rather quickly after becoming conscious, wondered how long she'd have before the door broke down.
Deciding she'd rather not lose her year's supply of chocolate to pay for the new door, she yawned and shuffled towards the door.
The expressions on Lilly Dale and Chipotle's faces were priceless, but soon vanished to be replaced by grins.
"Morning. Some people like sleeping past five am. Bye."
Mishka slammed the door again, grumpily heading back to the bed she shared with Beowulf and burying herself in the covers, curling close to the other wolf-theri.
She smiled at the sound of steady breathing, and grimaced at the final, defiant thump on the door. She could feel his body warmth, his heart beating, his breathing against her as she splayed her fingers against his back.
Beowulf, almost instantly, rolled away, flipping over to face her, but putting a notable distance between them. Sleep-hazed eyes stared at her blankly.
"Good morning," Mishka murmured softly, smiling.
"Nng," Beowulf replied, sitting up slowly. "S'not morning til past eight."
Mishka laughed. "I propose you eat them, then."
She crawled out of bed and stretched, yawning and making her way to the closet.
"You know... I think I want to spend some of my oh-too overabundant free time with Kami today. I feel sort of guilty for not getting to talk with her all that much in the last week or so."
"'Course," she heard Beowulf say behind her as she dressed, "I'm going to fiddle with the webcasts. I've been wanting to change the format for ages."
Ignoring the pang of annoyance and slight hurt at Beowulf's abrupt and all-too-easy acceptance of her request, she tugged a few strands of her light brown hair from beneath her collar and turned to face him, appreciating the view as he searched for a shirt in his own closet.
Sidling over to him, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek against his shoulder, ignoring the slight tense of muscles as she did so.
"Love you," she mumbled into his shoulder, kissing him softly as he turned around in her arms and smiled down at her.
"Mm," he kissed her back as she drew away, then shrugged out of her grip.
Mishka ignored this as well, writing it off to Beowulf's anti-morning attitude. "I'm going to go see why exactly we were waken so rudely. If you're lucky, I might leave you a chipmunk." She grinned and left the room, trying not to think too hard about his frigid attentions.
Sometimes you picture me;
I’m walking too far ahead.
You’re calling to me;
I can’t hear just what you’ve said.
You say, “Go slow.”
I fall behind.
The second hand unwinds.
I’m walking too far ahead.
You’re calling to me;
I can’t hear just what you’ve said.
You say, “Go slow.”
I fall behind.
The second hand unwinds.
Mishka smiled as she entered one of the general commons areas and found Kami sitting in a chair with a book. "Yiiiiin," she said cheerfully, peeking over the book. "I see a you."
"Do you?" Kami looked up and smiled. That wasn't right, Mishka thought. Kami should be mad at her, furious with her, for not having spent the time she should have with her. But Kami, oddly enough, never was. As frigid as Beowulf's early-morning attentions had been lately, Kami's had been warm. She sighed, and thought that it really should have been the opposite.
"Mmhmm. Have you had breakfast yet?"
"Yes, actually. I was woken early by a flying Sugarcube."
"What a coincidence. So were we." Mishka grinned, but at the word 'we', she noticed Kami become less open. She wondered what was wrong with everyone today.
She stretched again, and yawned. "Well, I'm going to head off in that direction now. Want to join me?"
Kami nodded, marked her page in the book she had been reading, and followed Mishka out into the hallway and then into one of the adjacent doors that everyone knew led to the kitchen.
Kami, not being much of a cook, grabbed an apple and sat down to watch Mishka prepare her own breakfast, setting her book beside her on the bench top. It was only with Kami's eyes firmly on her, and without the shield of the book, that Mishka noticed the tiredness.
"You okay?" the older girl asked, concerned.
Kami blinked at her, seemingly coming out of a daze - this worried Mishka, usually Kami was alert and ready - and offered a lazy smile.
"I'm fine, Yang," she reassured.
"You look tired," Mishka persisted.
Kami shrugged. "Nothing to be worried about."
"Are you having nightmares?"
While this questioning might have seemed excessive, Mishka knew that Kami wasn't likely to share her problems without coaxing. And she was curious, if Kami had been having nightmares, it might shed some light on her shadowed past.
Kami sighed, rubbing her eyes lightly before answering. "No, Mishka. It's nothing to be worried about."
Frowning, Mishka returned to her breakfast making, aware the whole time that something was definitely wrong with Kami. Wrong with everything, it seemed. Everything was being thrown out of balance.
She felt that if she could just get Kami to feel better, perhaps the balance would be restored. They were the Yin and Yang, after all. If Kami was back to being happy, then everything would fall back into place.
Mishka took her breakfast over to the bar, placing Kami's book daintily on the other side of the girl herself, before sitting in the bench where the book had once been.
Another girl entered the room and Mishka smiled at her. "Morning, Nilaya!"
Nilaya was about Mishka's height, near five foot two, and everything about her was brown; from her everywhere-curls to her eyes and her skin. Mishka sometimes envied how bronze she was... it was a stark comparison to look upon Nilaya and then look down upon her own pale hands.
The cougar-theri gave her a small smile, before turning and beginning to fix her own breakfast in silence. Mishka frowned at Nilaya's back. The world was really going Topsy-turvy... the girl was usually vibrant and bouncy.
Today, everyone seemed... out of it. She picked at her breakfast, wondering what could possibly be wrong.
Sighing, she felt that she wasn't all that hungry, and after picking at her eggs for a few more moments, she got up to put her plate in the sink.
"The world's gone mad," she said to Kami once Nilaya had left. "Did you notice how distant she was?"
"Hm?" Kami asked, and Mishka sighed, before going back around the bench and enveloping her closest friend in a hug.
"Don't worry about it," she said softly.
Kami went rigid in her grip, as though she was suddenly hyper-aware of the world around her, rather than dazed as she had been earlier.
This was surprising, usually Kami was more than fine with being hugged, despite her cool outward personality.
What was more surprising was the following reaction. Kami trembled slightly, looking away from Mishka as she bit her lip, restraining herself. Mishka only realised that it was a whimper being withheld because she was pressed against the younger girl.
"Kami?" Mishka asked anxiously, releasing her friend. Kami pulled away.
"Fine," she said simply, picking up her book again and walking, seemingly with some restraint, out of the kitchen.
Mishka frowned. This had to be more serious than she thought... putting the Yin back in sync with her Yang was going to be more difficult than she had believed at first. She leaned against the counter, halfway between wondering why Beowulf hadn't come to get breakfast yet and what she could do to make Kami feel better.
After my picture fades,
And darkness has turned to grey.
Watching through windows,
You’re wondering if I’m okay.
You say, “Go slow.”
I fall behind.
The drum beats out of time.
Mishka spent most of the day in the library, reading books she had read so many times to find comfort. In a maelstrom of strange events , the literature was the only thing that was right, because it could never change. Words on a page, that was all, in plain black and white.
Black... Kami.
Sighing, she closed the book and returned it to it's shelf. She would seek out the black wolf theri and maybe figure out what was wrong and how to help her.
She left the library and hurried over to Kami's room, which was close to the one she shared with Beowulf. She raised a fist and knocked on the door.
She could hear shuffling inside, but the door didn't open.
Mishka sighed, transforming into the white wolf and whining at the door.
It opened slightly, and Mishka could make out Kami's face beyond the crack. She nosed at the opening of the door, but Kami opened it willingly. When she was inside, she became human again and sat in the chair by Kami's desk.
She gazed critically at her friend, and noted the slight redness in her eyes, the tiredness, the carefully upheld posture, as though she was masking a defeated stance.
Kami was wearing her comfort clothes - a black t-shirt originally intended for a boy, and a set of baggy sweat pants - and something that Mishka had never seen before. Around her neck, a well-worn scarf was looped loosely.
Something was definitely wrong with the other wolf-theri.
On the bed was a box Mishka had glimpsed before, but always as it was tucked away from her eyes. The lid was off, and the contents were visible.
Definitely wrong. How had she not seen this before? Clearly this had been wrong for a while, Kami seemed too tired, too defeated, not to be.
Mishka knew why she hadn't noticed, but she wouldn't admit it, she wouldn't admit that she had let her friendship with Kami slide lately. She wouldn't admit that she had been too caught up in her own life to see Kami's problems.
"Kami..." she started to say, but she thought better of it. If she knew Kami as well as she thought she did, she knew that she would reveal what was wrong when she was ready.
She tried not to look too long at the things on the bed, because she didn't know if Kami wanted her looking at them. They were private... she had her own box, stored away where even Beowulf couldn't find it, and she doubted that she would appreciate anyone looking at the things in there.
The scarf tied around Kami's neck, however, caught her attention and held it. She wondered what significant value it could have, what made it special... she wanted to feel what it was made of. She fought down the irrational urge and met her friend's eyes.
Mishka really wanted to hug Kami, but there was nothing she could do. She remembered the way Kami had reacted before, and she didn't want that to happen again. Instead she watched the other girl for a while, waiting for her to speak.
"This..." Kami started, looking uncertain, tugging at the red material around her neck. "This has been with me since... since they took me away. I had it..." She paused. "I had it when I first transformed. I was allowed to keep it..."
Mishka really wanted to hug Kami now. She could see how Kami was hesitant, and Mishka knew that if there was anytime to shut her mouth, it was now. She was getting a rare glimpse inside the black-wolf theri's soul, and she intended to treasure it.
Kami looked at her expectantly, searching for something. Mishka nodded slowly, looking at the ribbon tied around the younger's neck. It looked like... silk? Something. It looked soft, and the red created a nice contrast with not only Kami's black shirt but with her pale skin as well.